So the story is now as follows.

I saw my consultant earlier in the week and complained at some length about how awful the methotrexate makes me feel. Finally I pressed him on what would happen if I were to stop taking these meds which make me feel so shit.

He refused to give numbers, or probabilities or whatever, but said that if allowed to progress, my sarcoidosis would cause my white cell count to drop and my red cell count to drop and finally it would likely be fatal. So, take drugs which make me feel like death, or die.

Nobody dies of sarcoidosis for fucks sake. It’s .. well, rarely fatal. I mean some people die of sarcoidosis, but it’s not a disease you start writing your will for. Well, apparently it is. So I should get on that I guess.

How I feel about all this, I have no idea. I really don’t. I know that I feel awful for the family. Losing mum was just awful, I can’t even begin to imagine them picking up the pieces if I was whisked away too.