Monthly Archives: January 2016

I can see the ground!

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I started playing Elite:Dangerous again yesterday which I’ve not done in a long while.

I was completely underwhelmed by landing on a planet. This is probably because I, for some reason, chose the most boring arse planet in the entire galaxy to land on. Oh look, a featureless beige desert, how wonderful!

In fairness, there is some cool new stuff. Horizons does look like it might be fun, but really I need to stop doing space trucking and start getting back into the missions. Powerplay could be good, but Tim reckons there is a ton of cash to be made on some smuggling missions, so I’ll give that a go first.

Certainly it does appear that the game’s depth is increasing quite nicely and now I’ve got it all set up again with the voice recognition (which, incidentally was badly misbehaving) and trade tools and whatnot, I suppose I’ll be playing again for a while – just not to death like I did before so I get burned out.

Having my head examined.

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Today is the big day of the head MRI. In about 4 hours, I will be enjoying the banging thumps of the magnetic resonance imaging machine as it comes to the conclusion if I am much more ill than I already thought.

In other news my fentanyl patch is itching. Like a bitch.

Catch 22

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So the story is now as follows.

I saw my consultant earlier in the week and complained at some length about how awful the methotrexate makes me feel. Finally I pressed him on what would happen if I were to stop taking these meds which make me feel so shit.

He refused to give numbers, or probabilities or whatever, but said that if allowed to progress, my sarcoidosis would cause my white cell count to drop and my red cell count to drop and finally it would likely be fatal. So, take drugs which make me feel like death, or die.

Nobody dies of sarcoidosis for fucks sake. It’s .. well, rarely fatal. I mean some people die of sarcoidosis, but it’s not a disease you start writing your will for. Well, apparently it is. So I should get on that I guess.

How I feel about all this, I have no idea. I really don’t. I know that I feel awful for the family. Losing mum was just awful, I can’t even begin to imagine them picking up the pieces if I was whisked away too.

Long arse day

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It’s partly the insomnia, partly the drugs and partly a hopelessly screwed up sleep schedule which inevitably means I didn’t get to sleep at a reasonable hour in order to get up and see my psychologist this morning. As it happens I made it there anyway.

Being honest, part of that might have been I needed to get to the chemist to pick up some codeine and I did that on the way back, but it does seem that booking a taxi well in advance does help motivate me to get my shit together – so 10 minutes before the taxi was due to arrive I got up.

Friend texted me on the way home. He was having a shitty time, so did my best to help out. I was pleased to be able to pay forward some of the help I get, but it did keep me from my post headshrinking nap, which was to buffer me as Carl was popping over for a cuppa after work and I did need some sleep. Well, I guess I got another hour or so in the end.

After that, I got another couple of hours before it was time to get up and take my pills. So it’s been a long day with disjointed sleep and my eyes are scratchy and I am heading in the direction of having a headache. Time to go to bed for a more extended session I think (and hope to succeed).

I have decided to move the day for my methotrexate. Poison day will henceforth take place on Sunday. This is so that I’m not knocked out all weekend and just maybe will feel well enough once in a while to get to a pub with some mates. I am pretty determined to manage to get to Dave & Ronnie’s do on Saturday.

A long time waiting

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I stopped writing on here. A long time ago.

I was ill one day at work, which shows how long ago it actually was – and wrote a rant about how ill I was feeling. Boss saw it and wasn’t particularly pleased, so for a fair while I felt that I really couldn’t write here for fear of what the repercussions would be.

Of course I’m not working now and so things are different in that regard. No hard feelings either mate, if you happen to read this.

So maybe I’ll post a few thoughts here once again. Or maybe this is a one off. We’ll see I guess.